OPINION

Digital Dystopia or Online Utopia?

Image: John Hughes via Flickr

Picture. A summer of restlessness and solitary confinement. Inability to work, money and food shortages, private renters turfed out onto the streets for the sake of those who can afford a life without working in the general sense of the word. Fighting on the streets for the last loaf of bread and people stealing cows. Because you know; that’s what people want. But could we all just live online anyway? Do we really need to see each other that much?

With the world planning for and embracing the potential closure of its services, work, entertainment, and just general fun, it leaves many a question to what summer plans can we enjoy? With decisions yet to be made on Tokyo Olympics and other sporting, music, events of any gathering, could we have a summer with fuck all to do?

More importantly, if a mass decision for isolation is bought up (in the most extreme circumstances) will people have any money to do fuck all? Small businesses missing out on trade and losing swathes of money. Without a statutory sick pay in place for many workers in the UK their money that ordinarily be earned is going to be out the window too. The long term affects of all of this could be quite disastrous.

From a purely selfish point of view, I have to say that the world would be kicking me right in the bollocks, with Wolverhampton Wanderers and England with a chance of European glory if the worst was to happen and all events were cancelled. It kind of backs up this occasional thought I have that this world isn’t really here and it is all made up in my head, and all of you are figments of my imagination / technology that I perceive as imagination. No offence like.

Back to the point in hand though, maybe the major sporting events could be played by the digital versions of the athletes? Perhaps this could be the rise of the gamer? With big money in these things already, imagine if the only form of entertainment permitted was to be carried out in isolation. Millions of people tuning into a televised Digital European Championship final played by two 17-year-olds representing their whole nation and taking them to glory.

Would Amazon be allowed to launch their delivery drones to ship supplies to people? Or a driverless car to deliver some snacks and beers for the final. I mean the possibilities are already there for this kind of thing where we don’t need interaction with anybody. I mean I’m writing this on a train, but I could easily be writing it at home. The argument for companies needing office space and whether it is essential for people to be in the office everyday rages on with many an argument against its necessity.

Don’t get me wrong. I would most definitely miss human company. I’m pretty shit at being on my own in all fairness. I’d much rather go down the pub and sink 4 pints than stay in alone and attempt to entertain myself, but maybe I could just create Skype pubs? All paying our subscription fees to the gamers.

Of course, the biggest problem here will be the reproduction factor. Whilst of course there will always be more than enough pornography to keep peoples urges at bay for the rest of their days. I once discussed the possibility that there are probably more pornos born than humans each day in some form or other. But masturbating into a tissue/sock/plughole, whatever your preference is, isn’t going to be able keep that horny bloodline going for very long. I mean, it would take all the fun out of it, but there are probably delivery services that could get the ‘ingredients’ to where they are needed, but then are babies taken into special isolation units up on birth? This obviously needs working out, and we can leave that to people who know more on the situation than a good folk like myself.

Obviously I don’t want to be taken away from the things I love to do in the real world anytime soon, and it would be advantageous to keep everybody fit and healthy, but just in case this digital world post Coronavirus does take hold, you might want to brush up on your sports gaming skills, I’m going to focus on Football Manager, to entertain the masses whilst taking the fame and power away from those chiselled specimens who have spent every waking moment on honing their skills in the real world, seeing the ‘padiators’ overtaking the gladiators.

But let’s put this to the masses. Destruction via digital dystopia? Or online utopia?

<Insert the generic that sounds like a Black Mirror episode here.>

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